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Showing posts from 2020

A MIRROR OF HOPE

You forcefully open the double doors to your room to see your reflection in the large spotless mirror staring at you, as you try to avoid the Master. Your image kills the mustard seed of hope you have been trying to nurture – your eyes exhausted from too many tears. Your lips are chapped, and the glory of your skin is in the past - your beautiful skin as your mother would remark. You wonder if it’s because of its fairness or the hairless sight of it, or the chubby feeling when touched. And then you reckon the eyes of your mother are not yours. Your beauty lies in your freedom, you think to yourself. You affirm that you don’t belong here, not in this castle with grey walls, lofty ceilings, and heavy brown curtains. Not viewing ancient paintings of wars. Not on a bed for a crowd and certainly not wearing these expensive clothes too pure to smear. You recall the first day of your arrival at your new home. You were greeted by a servant who avoided your eyes as he bowed his head and sai...
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UPON THE MOUNTAIN

  UPON THE MOUNTAIN   “What would happen if you do not make this jump?” She asked herself while standing on one of the highest points of the Olumo Rock. She got to that point with the company of other tourists chatting their lives away and taking memorable pictures of one another. However, the majority of the crowd took the road more travelled by; the stairs that looked newly built to help the young and old. Here, a lift(s) will be a bad idea knowing the nature of our electricity system. We call it kpa na kpa na!   Being the daring type, she decided to take the route less followed; the inner rocks. She got past the shrine where the tour guard had explained they sacrificed animals to the gods who in turn protected tourists from any danger. Some rocks looked like humans turned into stones; they have been there for thousands of years. It was a marvel, all she wanted to do was to go further until she got to the highest point of the mountain. It would be one grand achiev...
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VULTURES IN THE CITY

  VULTURES IN THE CITY "I heard you saw one recently. Did you testify such just to make us cautious or what? We bury our dead here and it is not a carnivorous environment either so what are you saying?" "I am not saying anything new. Yes this is the city but would you say you are not familiar with the dropping of abled bodied men lately? Have you not heard and perceived odors in the wee hours of the morning when you are struggling to get to work. Yesterday did we not witness the body of one Omeri lying helpless from the brutal cuttings of brutal ritualists? Or that of our friend Zezi who never made it to church. It is a year after and no one has seen or heard from him. So, my friend, there are vultures in the city now. We all know where to go to find what to eat so the new jollof rice for vultures is here." "Well, I will not totally agree with you because I have not seen any. Until then, I believe we are safe. At least this jungle is not filled with hun...
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WE ALL CAN’T BREATHE

  WE ALL CAN’T BREATHE Your world is not safe when many around you cannot breathe freely. It is even worse when you try to find air but die in the process. If you ask why you can’t breathe perhaps you will blame yourself for voting in thugs to see to your interests. You will be angry at your father for not fighting against bad governance when it was still a 101 course. You will scorn your ancestors for allowing a stranger into their land and telling them that Sango and Amadioha were the bad guys. But the pressing issue is finding air. So, you do not want the blames to keep tormenting your sanity and chance at life. Thus, you protest, peacefully. Without guns, swords, machetes, you match to various centres in the country, seeking everything that would make you find peace; seeking a good life because you know how blessed your land is. You are proud of what you are doing, you see the future in front of you, the revival of the green land and the peace that would reign. You see your c...
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THE MEET UP

  THE MEET UP “I dreamt I missed the rapture,” he said to me. “There are terrible things I have been thinking of lately and I know that is the reason why.”   I asked what terrible thoughts have been dancing to the disco in   his head and he answered, after arranging his thoughts properly so that God will not send an angel to whoop his mouth, “YOU. Please do not say anything. Let me speak my mind as quickly as possible because I might never confess this to you. I want you to be my wife. However, I know God will not accept you because you  are of the world; you put on trousers, makeup, you attend parties and dance to corrupt music. These are the only obstacles to us being together in holy matrimony. You have to turn to God so he can save you and we will both  make heaven together.” I recalled when we used to p lay in secondary school. Lawrence was the people’s guy that stepped into the room and everyone went  woahh . He did not think of rapt...
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DO YOU THINK THAT SANITARY TOWELS SHOULD BE SUBSIDIZED LIKE THE CONDOM?

Since she started buying her sanitary towels with her hard-earned money, she opened an excel sheet where she created data, updated every month. This also accommodated the contributions of her parents during her early years and each month after an update, the amount would draw closer to buying land in Epe… She hardly used condoms but her boyfriend buys a pack once in four months, sometimes 6 months. Once he got it for free. It was a souvenir at a wedding party. It lasted for al most a year…   They call it KONJI! When it falls upon you, it is like an electric shock. If you are strong enough it would go as soon as it came. If you are not, well you will have to do “the do” although making sure it's with someone pure of any infectious disease. If you are not sure then you have t o use a raincoat so no devilish rain will drench you towards death. The condom becomes your PADI, that's if your KONJI a llows you to even think up to this level…   From Medieval times, menstrua...
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ONE WAY POLICE

“Driver you no sabi anything. Abeg give me space make I show you how to beat this yeye traffic wey be like wetin winch dey invoke to life.”   That black uniform, that desperate voice making us question what the law stood for these days, was part  of us Lagosians returning     home from our various hard-knock lives, on a Friday evening, 7:00 pm. From Obalende to Yaba we prayed for a free passage since Lagos signed a con tract with “go slow.” It is not the only thing slow about us.    The Police become your friend when all odds are against the populace. They can even break the law to make you safe. Isn’t it ironic? The Police become your friend when it rains and they need shelter in your store or your vehicle or your shack. The police were more than a friend to us when we found ourselves positioned in a single spot for an hour. Traffic became our common enemy. Passengers cursed, drivers lamented: “petrol wen pesin buy today now go finish today.” Radios w...
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HUSBAND OR MATERIAL?

“Look at his feet. Check that he puts on good shoes. Make sure that mohawk, gallas and parting are not part of his hair-cuts. Hey! Don’t forget the skinny jeans and body hug shirts. Yes! Remember he must be educated. God forbid he is from the East; an Anambra indigene! Pray he has the AA genotype. Well… he could be comfortable but rich would be better-the best. Make life easy for everyone by ensuring he is God-fearing, a Christian. Also, it won’t be a crime to google his family history to be on the safe side. But remember that height     is a necessity these days for success. Don’t introduce your lineage to the dwarf society. Don’t worry… nothing is impossible for them that trust God. It is well my daughter.” I would like to travel to space, another planet; Pluto, Mars, Neptune, Jupiter. Earth has not favoured me so far. Mother’s words are my morning alarm and night lullaby. I wait, breathe, sleep, talk, dance, eat and drink her words not because they are poetically p...
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ALIEN

“Do not eat like an animal Bomi. Wherever are you from? I told you to close your mouth while munching or you just might make others lose their appetite.” “Sorry Mrs." Said Bomi. “It is I’m sorry ma!” Said Mrs Dagogo. Bomi tried to adhere to her warnings by sitting straight, taking his elbows off the dining table and chewing with mouth closed, which lasted but five minutes. Unconsciously, provoking sounds ca me out of his mouth, food particles dropped on the table and the tarred floor was marred. The fork given to Bomi only decorated his right hand while the left did the job of the fork. These did not go unnoticed by Mrs who cursed herself for her action which she considered stupid and a spur of the moment. She was on her way to work that morning when she witnessed an angry m ob pour ing their wei ghts on     a little boy accused of theft. Pleading on his behalf, she asked what he had stolen. It was an apple. Mrs paid the mob for twenty apples and brought the little ...
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WHAT I’VE NOTICED DURING THIS PERIOD AND WHY THE LOCKDOWN MEANS NOTHING

There’s absolutely no big deal about this lockdown and the coronavirus outbreak. Despite my tentative unemployment and fear of the unknown, the shutdown means nothing. It is like another sixty-day public holiday. The type you get for no reason – like the collision of a few work-free days and some weekends. So that instead of closing on a Friday and resuming work on Monday, you enjoy your bliss from Thursday till Wednesday. Then the churches are closed. All football matches are cancelled. And there is a compulsion to spend this normal public holiday at home with your family. Exactly this is what the lockdown is for me. And there are no lessons to learn anew. No "aha" moments of any kind. Life is the same and there is no newness under the sun. The only exceptions are the things I noticed. One of such is that Zainab (my immediately younger sister) and I do not see issues in the same light. She was a youth corper in Ibadan until the family convinced her to come home, just bef...
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TYPES OF CORONA VIRUS

Her voice jarred in my ears like an un-snooze-able alarm as she narrated to her colleagues how her sex partner could not satisfy her the previous night.  I stood at the bus stop that day for over an hour waiting to get a bus. It had not been easy for car-less residents of Lagos since the Okada and Keke ban. You either struggled or wobbled to get yourself home. I was usually part of the wobblers .  That day had a vibe on its own that could send the devil himself to hell unwillingly. The sun refused to set way after past 6, the air was at attention, and car owners were very unfriendly... would you blame them? When this bus rolled up in front of me, I felt like Angelina Jolie in the Tourist, all I did was stroll in effortlessly. Yes, there are still some of us who think life is that easy. A group of 3 ladies and 3 men followed suit and we all started with this journey that would lead to another, in that Korope (mini bus). There would be wild thoughts and great rea...
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WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS

In those days, when it rained we would stay by the window and watch how the trees danced to the beats of the wind, the singing of raindrops and thunder. The lighter the music, the closer our legs would get to the door post, quietly watching the eyes of our mother; and waiting for an approval. When she wiggled her legs, it was a negative signal. But when she praised the beautiful works of God in the rainy moment, it was a positive sign. Note, there was no going outside when it rained in the night. That was why Joseph composed the song: Rain visit us when the sun is not old Rain sing for us when the moon is not young So that mother will open the door for us to play with you So that papa will come home dry and happy. Rain visit us as we sing to you. Rain oh rain oh rain. That particular day, the rain was deaf to our singing, or calling and yelling. We became frustrated because the sun was kissing the lines of the sea, workers were returning home while livestock owners were gathering their...
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MAKEOVER

  When she realized her hair was gone, the barber had increased the volume of his radio and India Arie’s ‘I am not my hair’ filled the room. ‘If I can manage the situation like a professional, my construction contract with her father will hold tomorrow,’ I thought. I breathe in and out, a logic that never works for me, but I do it anyway. I rehearse my words, changing each sound to a softer version of the previous one - aligning my looks to the words so that my eyes become half closed and there is a faint smile on my face. I wait for the explosion. All the while, the barber is busy touching what is left on her head with his clipper. He says it is the final addition and calls it the moon look. He fumbles with the chair, turning Stella from left to right like a child’s play. The large mirror in front of us escalates the mishap and the fumes on my girlfriend’s face seem to be burning the white walls. It was meant to be a makeover since her 25 th birthday was the next day. Now it...
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IF HAIRS COULD TALK

  “You know, I get nervous by the sight of unkempt hair” “And why’s that?” “Well, it makes me imagine the worst of the man or woman in question.” “But you can’t always have clean cut or well-made hair. It’s hard work and who has time for such beauty strife. Or why do you think Beyonce sang that beauty hurts?” “I’m not talking about beauty. Rather I mean responsibility. Bad hair must surely birth a bad day. Look, I hate seeing my wife without her hair done or at least covered. I blame it on Medusa. Should have never seen that movie, T he Clash of the Titans .” “Hahaha, that’s just cracking! Now you blame your sick theory on a movie? Buddy, your wife must be tolerating a whole lot of shit from you. Cut her some slack and leave her hair alone. If you continue shaving yours all the time, you’d be bald before you’re even 40, man.” I’ve been thinking. A thousand tongues there would be if our hairs could talk. Imagine, a million heads would have a zillion tongues and more! The...
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